Whatever your affectionate and sexual orientation, when you first start exploring sex it can be overwhelming. No one advises you about it; you don’t know if you’re really ready; you’re not sure how far to go. With hormones swirling around your sense of self changes. For young people just beginning to explore sex here are some key points.
Don’t rush into things: You can have a fun, affectionate relationship without having sex. Its important not to put yourself under pressure to have a physical relationship. At the same time, if you want to explore don’t let other people’s opinions out you off. Tune into what you genuinely want to do. It’s your body so take it at your pace. It will feel a bit overwhelming and a bit weird sometimes. And that’s okay. Trust me, sex gets better as you get older. For now, do your best to be authentic to yourself.
Sex is something you do WITH each other not TO each other. This is very important. We talk a lot about consent, but I say we need to take it a step further – to consensus. You both need to agree on what you do and how you do it. Respect your own body and your partner’s wishes.
Get comfortable with your own body – the way it looks, the way it feels, the way it moves. Your experience of sex is based on your relationship with your own body. Love your body, appreciate it, be kind to it. This is a great basis for sexual well-being.
Talk to each other about sex, preferably before you have sex. Maybe you want to kiss and touch but not have any genital contact. Be clear about what you want. If you are not sure then agree that you will both stop if either of you want to stop. And remember It’s always okay to change your mind. Even if you are in the middle of sex, if you want to stop it’s important to stop. Don’t feel obliged to carry on.
Keep communicating during sex. Sexual energy is powerful and it changes quickly. One moment you’re enjoying the sensations of touch and the next moment the position feels awkward. It can be difficult to say, “I need to change position” if the other person is enjoying it. So check in with each other. Here are some questions that good lovers ask each other during sex, “Is this okay?” “How does this feel?” “Is this position still good for you?” “What would you like more of?” “What would you like less of?” “Less pressure or more pressure?” “Faster or slower?”
The main thing to remember is that this is a shared experience. In real life sex not a neatly choreographed sequence from a movie. It’s awkward and amazing and beautiful and challenging and delightful all at the same time. How do you do something that’s so full on? Be authentic to yourself, be respectful of your partner’s boundaries and keep communicating.