Vena Ramphal
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Priyanka and Nick’s celebrations this weekend got me thinking about the engagement period – the post Roka and pre-wedding phase. It’s a time of both excitement and anticipation. But how do you make sure it doesn’t turn into a time of stress and argument? Here are my 5 top tips to nurture your relationship during that ‘in-between’ stage of being engaged but not yet married.
1. Keep Perspective
As must as the wedding is important, don’t let it make you lose the sight of your relationship because as the day ends, that is what really matters. A lot of couples fall into the trap of focusing so much on their big day that they seem to forget about each other. They get into huge arguments planning their wedding- about which colour scheme to pick or which photographer to hire. You must remember to keep it all in perspective. It’s important that you have a harmonious time planning your wedding so you enjoy yourselves on the big day! So give in a little. Make compromises. Remember what’s important: it’s the love and quality of relationship you share that will make your marriage a success and not the little details details of your wedding plan.
2. Go On Relaxed Dates During These Months
Think of lazy Sunday brunches wearing your jeans and sweatshirt. This isn’t the time to go OTT with extravagant dinners that demand you to wear those uncomfortable heels, and show up with a face full of makeup. You have enough on your plate with the wedding coming up. So chill out, laugh together and relish the simple pleasures!
3. Lock Down The Wedding Talk
I remember a client telling me that when she was engaged her father wouldn’t talk about anything except the wedding. Every evening! It drove the whole family nuts, including the bride. It’s an easy trap to fall into. Of course it’s time for you all to be very excited, but seriously, you have to get a hold on the the wedding talk. Otherwise you’ll feel like eloping! My advice to you is to have planned meetings with your family where you discuss everything wedding and once you’re out you put a pause to the wedding discussion.
4. Keep a Healthy Space Between Your Relationship And Your Family
Okay, this one might be hard to hear but it’s important. There will naturally be a lot of focus on you two as a couple at this time. People will ask questions and will want to know your plans for the future. As much as we agree to the participation of your parents in your lives, you have to understand the difference between involvement and intrusion. So set some healthy boundaries. If that loud aunt or uncle is asking too many questions you can either say, “I know how much you care about me and I appreciate it. But I’m not comfortable discussing those details right now.” Or you can take a more diplomatic approach and smile politely saying, “We’ll see.”
5. Socialise Independently of Each Other
Romance needs space to breathe. Arrange night-outs with your friends and let your fiancé do their own thing. Especially if the pressure of wedding planning is getting to you. Having a laugh with your friends is a fun way to keep your sanity at this time! You’ll come back to each other refreshed and relaxed.
